our life right now

It seems like I've found my groove in being a working mom. Maybe not my ideal groove, but it's a groove nevertheless.

We wake up when Tommy does, somewhere between 5:45 and 6:30, depending on the day (and discounting this stupid week following the daylight saving time change). Thomas wakes up in the most gloriously cheerful mood, and it's really the loveliest start to my day. We bring him in bed with us for a bit, then Andy gives The Major his reflux medicine and we all three snuggle and chat a bit more.

Sometimes I lie in bed a little too long with the baby, so I end up rushing to change his diaper and clothes before he and Andy head out the door to Aunt Nae's house. (Janae has been my dear friend for...15 years?...and Tommy loves her almost as much as I do. She's such a blessing to our little family!)

this is one of the photos Janae sent us last week

On the days I get up and at 'em at a decent time, I feed Tommy and have fun conversations with him while he drinks his baba.

Once Andy + Tommy are out the door, I finish getting ready and grab a bite to eat, then head to work myself.

Work has been pretty good, honestly. I miss Tommy and wish I could spend all day every day with him, but he's being well-loved, and I like my job, so it's all alright. Some days I have IEPs or other work meetings, but regardless of when I can leave, I'm always dying to get to Tommy.

Janae lives in a neighboring town, so it's a bit of a drive to get to him. Hitting red lights or getting stuck behind slow semis on the backroads feels like torture. But Tommy's giant smile when he sees me melts me into a gooey puddle, and all is well.

Then we drive back to town; depending on his mood, Tommy either shouts at me from behind his binky, screams + cries when his binky falls out, or else talks to me in a calmer, more serious tone and I can't help but think he's contemplating life in this adorable oration I can't understand. He's a really cool kid.

Not long after we return home, Andy walks through the door and we celebrate that we're all together again. Then I make dinner (or reheat leftovers) while Andy and Tommy play. On the really lovely days (starting this week, actually), we put Thomas in his stroller and go for a walk around the neighborhood. Tommy loves walks in his stroller, and that makes Andy + me ridiculously happy because we love walks, too.

After our walks + dinner, we play a bit more with Tommy, then start his bedtime routine.

Bedtime always starts out with a bath. Tommy loves tub time. He knows it's tub time when I strip him down and tell him it's time to get nakey-nakey. He smiles so big that it might actually hurt his cheeks. We turn on some music and splash around with his light-up tub toy (which we lovingly refer to as the arkenstone). Then we wash his tummy + face + neck + armpits + fists + bum + hair until he's squeaky clean. Then we let him splash around a bit more while he kicks around the arkenstone, and then it's time to get out and get dressed.

the Arkenstone

lil boy in da hood

Tommy hates getting dressed. He does okay when we towel him off and slather him in baby lotion. He's even okay being diapered. But when we start pulling a onesie over his head, and then his jammies, the end of the world is nigh at hand. #eyeroll

After we're done torturing him, we snuggle him to calm him down, then he and daddy talk to the handsome fellas in the mirror + do their acrobat tricks.

he really likes that cutie in the mirror

If Tommy's still fairly alert, we'll read a story or two (usually Gossie + Gertie and/or The Bellybutton Book). Then we swaddle + snuggle + turn on the essential oil diffuser, and he drops off to sleep.

Usually.

Lately, though, he'll spit out his binky and talk for several minutes.

Occasionally, he'll even talk in his sleep. For real. There have been a few times that we've heard him talking through the monitor. I'll go into his room and check on him to make sure he's okay, and I'm kind of delighted to see that his eyes are closed, but he's still chattering on. It's the most adorable thing I've ever heard.

I don't get a lot of awake time with Tommy during the week, so those few hours I'm with him are so precious. He's only slept through the night six or seven times, and while getting continuous sleep is glorious for everyone, I don't really mind it when he wakes up at 2 or 3 for another meal, because it gives me a few extra minutes of snuggle time with him.

Tommy and his Muppet friend

Basically, we're living for the weekends around here.

Tomorrow we're off to the doctor for his four month checkup and shots. I'm not looking forward to that, and poor Tommy has no idea what's about to hit him.

a few things motherhood has taught me

This post is very personal, but I feel like a lot of these things aren’t talked about often enough. Nothing can truly prepare a woman entirely for motherhood, but maybe if people were more open and honest about some of these things, it wouldn’t take so many new mothers by surprise.

I've learned firsthand that post-pregnancy hormones are a serious business. Like, they take over and you’re absolutely not in charge of the way you feel. You can try to talk yourself out of crying, but it doesn’t work and, in fact, might make you slip even further down the pit of despair.

Speaking of which…getting medication to help stabilize my hormones was important, and very likely the best choice I could have made at that point in time. A healthy, happy momma makes for a healthy, happy baby. Also, it makes things less stressful for the husband, who would do anything to see you smile like you mean it again.

I have been richly blessed with loving support from some pretty spectacular people. And having that kind of support made a world of difference to me—especially when Tommy acquired reflux and things went from magical to hellacious very swiftly indeed. With my hormones already toeing the line, I feel quite certain that an always-screaming, sad Tommy shoved me right over the edge. Thank heaven for friends who would text randomly throughout the day to check in on me, and others who would come take care of Thomas while Andy was at work so I could get some respite. Thank goodness for my wonderful parents; my mom came over to watch Tommy and remind me to eat and take a shower, and my dad came over after work (and sometimes during) to come talk to me and remind me that things would get better. And thank goodness for Andy, who loves me and our boy and did everything he could to help me out of my funk.

Nursing isn’t always natural and easy—for baby or for momma. Sometimes the cards are stacked against you, and switching to formula is legitimately the best choice for the whole family. I wanted to nurse Tommy for a full year, but from the beginning, it just didn’t work out for us. And I don’t have to justify myself to anyone. Thomas is healthy and thriving, and that's all that matters.

Just because I was a hormonal mess didn’t mean that I wasn't enamored with my baby, or that I didn't love him more than life itself. There were times—before I was medicated and also before Tommy was on Prevacid—that I’d sit in my living room, trying to comfort Thomas while he wailed, and simultaneously wondering, what have I done? while staring at his sweet face and thinking, man, he’s the most precious thing and I can’t believe I made such a gorgeous little creature. It’s kind of crazy to feel ALL THE THINGS at once, but I’m beginning to understand that that’s what motherhood is.

I mean, what's not to love about this small fellow?

I've learned not to let silly things like light, noise, or discomfort get in the way of falling asleep. I used to be a terrible sleeper—and I guess I'm still not great at it—but I sure can fall asleep a lot easier these days. Exhaustion will do that to a person. Just the other night, Tommy fell asleep for the evening at 7:30. I sat in the recliner for what I was certain was a couple of hours, but when I looked at the clock it was only 7:45, and Andy wouldn’t let me go to bed that early. (He did let me go to bed by 9:00, and that felt like magic.)

I roll my eyes at my baby more than I ever thought I would. It's true. It just happens. The kid adores his binky but seems to spit it out approximately 14,000 times per day. I don't understand it. And it's annoying. So I roll my eyes and put it back in. Again and again. That's mostly what I roll my eyes at, but that alone elicits tons of eye-rolls every day because it happens with alarming regularity.

I laugh at parenting about as much as I always expected I would. Tommy snorts a lot, especially when he cries. He was born with a snorty cry. It's equal parts adorable and hilarious. Even when he's particularly upset, when a snort comes out with all the shouting, I laugh every dang time. He's also developed a fake cry to let us know he's displeased, and that makes me laugh, too.) I had no idea babies were able to fake anything this young, but here we are.) I also laugh when he scolds me from behind his binky. 

Among most frequently-used emojis are the heart eyes, the eye roll, and the laugh face.

I’ve realized that my bladder may be a problem for the rest of my life. Somehow I thought that I’d have a stronger bladder when I was no longer pregnant; and although I don’t have to go as often, I’ve learned (the hard way) that I can’t hold it as long as pre-pregnancy Gina could. Also, sneezing on full bladder is not advised.

I love Andy more now more than ever. Know this, my love grew for him every day before Thomas. That’s a fact. But watching him be a dad is so sweet, and I love him in a different way that’s more than just “more.” Does that make sense? He was so patient with me when I got extra hormonal. Andy is my partner in all things, and it’s really cool being a parent with him. Also, he’s the cutest dad I ever did see.

MAN, Tommy used to be tiny.

Be still, my heart.

Tommy really loves his daddy, too.

Being a mother is hard—but it’s also the most wonderful thing I’ve ever done. I love watching Tommy do just about everything, from kicking and wiggling around, to splashing in the tub, to pushing up on his elbows during tummy time and then falling over and screaming because he's so done with it. It's my favorite job ever. 

#swoon

Harrison, Gunner, Tommy, and Gramma Dunc

I LOVE MY FAMILY