the ginabean: a few things motherhood has taught me

Sunday, March 5, 2017

a few things motherhood has taught me

This post is very personal, but I feel like a lot of these things aren’t talked about often enough. Nothing can truly prepare a woman entirely for motherhood, but maybe if people were more open and honest about some of these things, it wouldn’t take so many new mothers by surprise.

I've learned firsthand that post-pregnancy hormones are a serious business. Like, they take over and you’re absolutely not in charge of the way you feel. You can try to talk yourself out of crying, but it doesn’t work and, in fact, might make you slip even further down the pit of despair.

Speaking of which…getting medication to help stabilize my hormones was important, and very likely the best choice I could have made at that point in time. A healthy, happy momma makes for a healthy, happy baby. Also, it makes things less stressful for the husband, who would do anything to see you smile like you mean it again.

I have been richly blessed with loving support from some pretty spectacular people. And having that kind of support made a world of difference to me—especially when Tommy acquired reflux and things went from magical to hellacious very swiftly indeed. With my hormones already toeing the line, I feel quite certain that an always-screaming, sad Tommy shoved me right over the edge. Thank heaven for friends who would text randomly throughout the day to check in on me, and others who would come take care of Thomas while Andy was at work so I could get some respite. Thank goodness for my wonderful parents; my mom came over to watch Tommy and remind me to eat and take a shower, and my dad came over after work (and sometimes during) to come talk to me and remind me that things would get better. And thank goodness for Andy, who loves me and our boy and did everything he could to help me out of my funk.

Nursing isn’t always natural and easy—for baby or for momma. Sometimes the cards are stacked against you, and switching to formula is legitimately the best choice for the whole family. I wanted to nurse Tommy for a full year, but from the beginning, it just didn’t work out for us. And I don’t have to justify myself to anyone. Thomas is healthy and thriving, and that's all that matters.

Just because I was a hormonal mess didn’t mean that I wasn't enamored with my baby, or that I didn't love him more than life itself. There were times—before I was medicated and also before Tommy was on Prevacid—that I’d sit in my living room, trying to comfort Thomas while he wailed, and simultaneously wondering, what have I done? while staring at his sweet face and thinking, man, he’s the most precious thing and I can’t believe I made such a gorgeous little creature. It’s kind of crazy to feel ALL THE THINGS at once, but I’m beginning to understand that that’s what motherhood is.

I mean, what's not to love about this small fellow?

I've learned not to let silly things like light, noise, or discomfort get in the way of falling asleep. I used to be a terrible sleeper—and I guess I'm still not great at it—but I sure can fall asleep a lot easier these days. Exhaustion will do that to a person. Just the other night, Tommy fell asleep for the evening at 7:30. I sat in the recliner for what I was certain was a couple of hours, but when I looked at the clock it was only 7:45, and Andy wouldn’t let me go to bed that early. (He did let me go to bed by 9:00, and that felt like magic.)

I roll my eyes at my baby more than I ever thought I would. It's true. It just happens. The kid adores his binky but seems to spit it out approximately 14,000 times per day. I don't understand it. And it's annoying. So I roll my eyes and put it back in. Again and again. That's mostly what I roll my eyes at, but that alone elicits tons of eye-rolls every day because it happens with alarming regularity.

I laugh at parenting about as much as I always expected I would. Tommy snorts a lot, especially when he cries. He was born with a snorty cry. It's equal parts adorable and hilarious. Even when he's particularly upset, when a snort comes out with all the shouting, I laugh every dang time. He's also developed a fake cry to let us know he's displeased, and that makes me laugh, too.) I had no idea babies were able to fake anything this young, but here we are.) I also laugh when he scolds me from behind his binky.

Among most frequently-used emojis are the heart eyes, the eye roll, and the laugh face.

I’ve realized that my bladder may be a problem for the rest of my life. Somehow I thought that I’d have a stronger bladder when I was no longer pregnant; and although I don’t have to go as often, I’ve learned (the hard way) that I can’t hold it as long as pre-pregnancy Gina could. Also, sneezing on full bladder is not advised.

I love Andy more now more than ever. Know this, my love grew for him every day before Thomas. That’s a fact. But watching him be a dad is so sweet, and I love him in a different way that’s more than just “more.” Does that make sense? He was so patient with me when I got extra hormonal. Andy is my partner in all things, and it’s really cool being a parent with him. Also, he’s the cutest dad I ever did see.

MAN, Tommy used to be tiny.

Be still, my heart.

Tommy really loves his daddy, too.

Being a mother is hard—but it’s also the most wonderful thing I’ve ever done. I love watching Tommy do just about everything, from kicking and wiggling around, to splashing in the tub, to pushing up on his elbows during tummy time and then falling over and screaming because he's so done with it. It's my favorite job ever.