Dear Allstate: I Swear I'm a Good Driver...

2011 has been a rough year for my dear Handsome Rob.

Rewind to February, when I got into my first real crash. Such a headache (not to mention a bit of a heartache, too) to deal with that entire fiasco. (And driving that awful yellow Chevy Aveo for something like 5 weeks was ridiculous, to say the very least!)

Then there was the little hiccup that occurred towards the end of March when I was driving to the land of my inheritance to visit my family for the weekend. (I can't recall exactly what the problem was on that one; I was mostly just delighted that Handsome Rob wasn't gone for very long that time around.)

Then...sometime during the summer (perhaps?)...my car was kind of slow-moving, so my brother Goose did something to it, which kind of helped a little bit, but not entirely...

So I had to march myself (and Handsome Rob) to AutoZone so the fellows there could hook up my car to some computer thingy that told them exactly what was wrong with him. As it turns out, there was a little piece somewhere in the bowels of Handsome Rob that needed changing; AutoZone gave me the name and number to a local car shop run by twin brothers, and they were able to help me in no time flat (and they didn't charge me a ridiculous amount of money for it!).

And then there was the thing on August 25th. (I can remember the date because it's my brother Aaron's birthday.) I was driving home from work, and Handsome Rob was NOT accelerating like he ought to have been. I ended up taking Handsome Rob in to Jiffy Lube, as I had been a bit negligent in that aspect of car-upkeep over the course of the entire summer (woopsie!)...and by the time I drove away from there, Handsome Rob was not accelerating. At. All. Seriously, the fastest I could go was somewhere around 5 mph. GAH!

I called and texted anybody I could think of with access to a truck who might be able to help me out; my friend Todd came to my rescue, and he towed me to my car guys' shop.

Turns out, it was my catalytic converter that had clogged almost entirely on the inside. Apparently, Nissan was supposed to have done a recall on the catalytic converter but by the time they figured it out, they had sold too many 2003 Altimas, so the joke's on us.

Anyway, the catalytic converter wasn't an inexpensive piece of equipment, but my car guys Larry and Terry (for reals, I wouldn't make that up) helped me out once again, and for a very fair price.

Also, my friend Ryan lent me his extra car (a 2010 Nissan Altima) for the few days that Handsome Rob was in the shop.

Fast forward to September 23. I was pulling out of a parking spot over by Costa Vida, going roughly 5 miles per hour, when I heard a horrible crunching noise. That crunching noise, my friends, was Handsome Rob's rear bumper being ripped from his hind quarters.

I put my car into park and dealt with the joy of calling the police and filling out a report and all the garbage that goes with getting in an accident. (I'm understanding the entire process quite well these days.)

Because I was the one reversing, I'm the one who had to pay to fix both vehicles. (In my defense, there was a mondo truck beside me, blocking my view. Also? I'd be willing to bet that the other driver was on the phone, and going rather fast; she didn't slow down or honk or anything. And Handsome Rob's entire butt was ripped off, hanging on by maybe one entire inch. She couldn't have been going slowly, as I had just barely started pulling out and was going, at most, 5 mph. But whatever.)

Oh, and get this: the other vehicle? It was a 2011 Audi QTO. And the driver wasn't the owner; the car belonged to the local Audi dealership. HOLY CRAP, do I know how to pick 'em, or what?! (In case you forgot, in February, I collided with a 2011 BWM of some sort. I hate my life...)

My awesome friend Cameron found out about my sad situation and he offered to let me drive his extra car (a Ford Explorer) for the week that my car was in the shop.

CAN I PLEASE BE DONE WITH CAR ISSUES? I've had more than my fair share in the past 9 months...

Poor, bumless Handsome Rob...

Heart: broken!

 And just so you know: when my friends take care of me, I take care of them. 

The very night that Todd towed me to the shop, I made him a fresh peach pie. 

Within a few weeks of borrowing Ryan's car, I made dinner for him and his girlfriend (and now fiancee!) Rose.

When Cameron gets back from his travels to Korea, I'll be making him a stellar dinner as well.

(Do I have the best friends in the wide world, or what?!)

Anyway...can you see why I'm this close to buying a chauffeur for myself? I was talking to a friend and she said, "Why don't you just get a scooter or something?" I told her, "Because my car has protected me! Can you imagine the bodily damage I'd have sustained in those accidents if I were on a scooter?!"

I stand by my claim: "Dear Allstate: I swear I'm a good driver!"

But here's a question to the great void: anybody wanna be my chauffeur? Pretty please?